So I’m staying with my sister for a few days and we decided to watch Infinity War on bootleg with the niecelings and um… That was not a good idea.

(I knew it wouldn’t be a good idea since Tiny T didn’t handle Luke dying at the end of TLJ – which we watched right before – very well.)

Tiny T was fucking sobbing after watching what happened to some of her favorite characters and she said she never wants to see a Marvel movie again. She’s literally still crying.

I… hecked up.

I’m going to have to write fix-it fan fiction for my 12 yo niece.

I’m so busy with writing and trying to find a job 

ARGH

But I’m trying to put together some content to end the month on a high note (especially as I graduate on the 30th) so keep an eye out on my website and Patreon!

Y’all are such lovely nerds and I hope to have more time for y’all in May!

❤ ❤ ❤

If I have (absolutely valid) beef with a blogger for how they treated me/my work, but they’ve written something that’s pretty darn useful for something I’m working for… 

Should I suck it up and link to it? Or keep looking for a source I don’t dislike?

A thought that occupies my mind way more than it should:

Is it possible to ethically consume and/or create objectionable content in fandom? Can you write or read “gross” (morally objectionable, problematic, or violent) fan content in a way that would be “ethical”?

What do ethics in fandom look like? AAAH!

(The context for this thought was the Hannibal fandom and its fanworks as I was waist deep in a really good Hannibal story while fussing with my own issues with ethics in fan studies and fandom. Because Hannibal is a show about how murky ethics wind up being and fan studies is weirdly rigid about fanworks – like you need permission to quote stuff and that means you can’t talk about most things. And I mean I was trying to figure out what ethics in fandom looked like and I got a headache.)

I’m still swamped with work (I got a freelance editing assignment to finish and I don’t get paid until it’s done argh AND I need to wash my hair) but I just want to make a note of some things I want to talk about eventually:

  • “Lots of women/queer people love [Kylo Ren/slavefic/things that get criticized in fandom] so criticism is misogyny and antis are misogynists”
  • Why is it that white people’s sexuality/sexual expression or exploration via fandom seen as actually sacred. Like “it’s just a fantasy” when people (typically of color) talk about the real world implications of certain things but also “this is so important because it’s a space for (white) women to find themselves” at the same time…
  • 90% of the time, when folks in fandom talk about purity culture they mean “people on the internet don’t like my ship or kink” instead of talking about ways that folks in fandom are actually pushing for purity
  • But also I wrote a post several years ago about how kink shaming in fandom isn’t a form of oppression and I need to find that and edit it.

I think one thing that’d be helpful on this hellsite would be time-stamps on posts on mobile like when you go on the app. 

If I go on someone’s blog on my phone because I saw someone else say something about them (or a reblog of one of their posts comes across my dash) and I want to know the full story, I literally have no idea if what this person is saying has anything to do with anything recent unless they or someone else dates the post in in the text or tags.

I mean, I also think that some things are relevant to talk about ages after they were posted (like so many racists in and out of fandom never change so at this point, using their posts as a “what not to do, please don’t do it” is all you can do) but also I don’t really want to be out here like “oh man this person currently sucks”… over a five year old post that just got popular again. (Some people’s five year old posts AND their present selves suck, but I’d like to know what’s what before I dive in or reblog with snark in the tags.)

I like being right and smug about being right (but like internally, don’t worry) and that sort of thing kind of makes it difficult to be both of those things.

I’m probably never going to join a fandom discord server* because

  • It’s too hard to keep track of other people’s nonsense
  • But if the chat logs get leaked because someone fucks up, you’re all responsible for everyone’s nonsense
  • And I actually lost track of how many chat log dumps happened in fandoms I’m adjacent to last year

(* but also, I can’t join one as I had to uninstall discord and I never reinstalled it.)